Wishes

I sat on the church steps and wished to stop loving you.
Again and again over my life I’ve made this same wish.
Over birthday candles, out my window before bed,
Blowing dandillions in the fall.
I don’t talk to God
Until I want to stop loving someone,
Who’s what I want - but nothing close to what I need.
Making this wish again and again you’d think I’d figure something out
More protective mechanisms so I dont have to wish this again
But I dont.

You’re one of a kind - until you’re not.
You don’t cross your t’s or dot your i’s - and I cant read you
You relax me in my deepest parts - and then you stir me up again
I am yours - until I can be mine.

Today I reached for you
And when i pulled back my hands they were empty
I looked deep into the crevasses of my palms
Wondering briefly how these hands got so worn
So many wishes - so little growth

There’s insight here about letting go
Just do it - or dont - it’ll do its self, right?
Stop reaching - stop extending - stop exerting

Just relax
It’s over
I am done…